i want to scream

There's so much.

Too much.

Rampaging.

A vortex within me.

I'm scared.

So fucking scared.


Is she better?

Am I not enough?

Will I ever be enough?


I am a failure

Of epic proportion.


Broken.

A barren landscape,

With only echoes

Of what once was

Lush.


She is a garden.

Pure.

Full.

Kind.


I am a coward.

Perhaps,

I should step back.

Let two

Beautiful creatures

Find each other.


I am selfish.

You're mine.

Fuck you.

I love you.


I do not

Express in words aloud,

The words that come

So easily

To paper.


Is that it?

I am not open to feeling?


I have given.

I have spoken.

I have completely dismantled

My box,

My cage,

My comfort.

I have done this

For you.


I have changed

Fundamentally.

I have learned

Immensely.

All so you can feel sure

That I love you.


I do.

I love you with every breath

Born of my abused lungs.

I love you with every absent

Brush of hands.

I love you with every freckle,

I hate,

But you adamantly claim are cute.


I love you.

With every year that passes.

With every star I ponder.

With every raindrop that falls.

I love you.


I am selfish.

I want to scream.

I cannot be selfish with you.

You

Who are so kind and giving.

I cannot take

From you

What might be your happiness.


I love you.

I want to scream.

Instead, I will sew

These sinful lips

Shut.

I will love.

And perhaps, I will lose.