Finally

It's over.

I'm free.

I don't have to care anymore.

I am just myself.

You are just you.

There is no we anymore,

and I am beyond grateful.


I used to love peanut butter.

I still appreciate it in certain moments.

I do not need peanut butter every day.

I do not need you.


I love you.

I want you to be happy.


I love me.

I want me to be happy.


I can finally see that I'm allowed to be happy.

I can finally see that I don't need anyone else.

I don't need you.

I am free.


I haven't smoked a cigarette in two days.

The longest I've gone while being able to smoke.

This is my choice.

For me.


I don't need anything.

Just me.

I just need me and my love for me.


And fuck, I love myself.

I'm happy.

Thief

You've stolen me.

Changed me.

Molded me into a better,

Brighter,

Self.


It's painful to admit,

That I let you in.


That I trust you.

That I love you.


I'm scared.

This is familiar.

I've been scared so long.

It's a basic reaction now.


Fear turns to anger.

And I am so god-damn angry.

I want to throw things.

I want to scream.

I want to steal back what you took.


I want to break myself and you.

I want this because I can't stand this vulnerability.

If I break it, perhaps I can pull away.

Perhaps I can get myself back.


But I know I can't.

I know that we are tied together.

I know that, though I hate this prison, I love it more.


You were a thief.

And I am scared.

And I am angry.


And I am in love.

Stubborn

Why do I push?

I refuse, without thought,

To move.

You request so little,

Yet to do what you ask,

I must shift,

And so it is

Impossible.

Why do I act like this?

I have no reason to live defensively.

You are kind and flexible.

Yet I see in checkerboard.

This or that.

Here or there.

Her or me.

There is a middle,

I must remind myself.

There are more than two sides.

There are more solutions,

Though my brain appears to break at the thought.

I force. 

I would rather stand firm than shift even a hair.

You are an elastic band.

Bending and conforming to the situation.

I just sit, rooted.

Trapped in my own conviction.

There is good in being stubborn.

This is not the good part.

This is the part that breaks.

I am already coated in imperfection.

I am blemished.

How many more times will I survive?

As strong as I may seem, there is always a breaking point.

How does a mountain learn to bend?

Painfully, it seems.

The End.

I can't reach you.

You've built a wall I cant hope to breach.

We used to dance,

Sing,

Love.


We were what others hoped to one day have.


I'm helpless for solutions.

I have tried so much.

Now every single answer,


It just seems to lead to the end.


I can't keep going alone.

We're supposed to be a team.

A partnership.


I'm angry.

I'm angry because I'm frustrated.


You sit on the couch in silence.

You don't speak to me.


Until she comes home,

I'm led to believe you're not home either.


Once she entered our lives,

I thought this was good.

That we could grow.

Expand.


Instead she became a wedge.

Between us,

Building that fucking wall.


Now we sit.

In this god awful,

Soul tearing,

Thousand needles to the eyes,

Screamingly loud,

Silence.


We were music.

We were tearful laughter.

Passionate breath.

Clasped hands.

Dancing.

We were good.


We were so fucking good.


Slow and quick.

Painful yet inevitable.

The end is coming.

It's coming and I just cant find any other way.


Your smile isn't something I coax from your lips anymore.

Your laugh no longer for me.

Witty one liners exchanged over dinner, well, im sure you know where this is going.


You've taken the one thing I treasured.

You've taken yourself from me.


And now as much as I struggle.

As much as I scream.

As much as I cry.


It looks like the end is coming.


And I'm just so fucking scared.